I love a girl, but she doesn't love me and she wants to stay friends (reddit response)

I am in a similar situation. I was really naive. It's been seven years. When I was in college, she used to take interests in me, texted me, wished me good morning, good night, always wanted to know if I am interested and like someone, she could help me. She wanted to know about me, sometimes flirted( which I thought she cared for me). She said she like tall guys like me, and she told me I am handsome( :P). I have never heard such things from a girl. I fall in love with her, one day I confessed. She smiled. I did not get the answers. I asked again , she said she admired me, but she treated me as a friend. I was devastated. What went wrong?

We had some fights we stop talking to each other. Somewhere deep inside my heart I felt the pain. I saw her dancing with other guys in college fest. I heard other guys proposed her and how she handled with rejections. She became popular. She was charming.

Again we started talking, again some misunderstandings occured and we stopped talking.

We graduated from college, I mailed her after months after graduation I asked her what went wrong she told me about some brain and heart stories. Told me that sometimes we had to  listen to our brain. I don't know I started feeling that she liked me. We started texting. She used to tell me what she does, when she hangs out with her new boy friend, she teaches two twin girls, she buys gifts for her mother.

This goes on everyday we used to talk, and gradually we stopped chatting. No misunderstandings but we stopped. After a month she texted me that while listening to a song she missed me and informed me she got her new job at hydrabaad.

Then she got another job at a new company, and after few months I got the job in same company. I moved to the same city( Bangalore). She gave me her number so that I can call her if I need any help( we were chatting over fb)

I moved to Bangalore. We started chatting over company's chat site. She asked me to buy a smart phone so that we can talk over whats app. I bought a smartphone. But  sometimes she was really interested ,sometimes she was cold( disinterested, took hours to reply). I was confused. I told her my feelings. She was like ' thanks' , ' hahahaha' , smiling. Sometimes she delays to reply  my texts. I did not know what went wrong. Yes it is me who initiated the conversation but she seems interested but sometimes she was so cold.

I asked her why she was doing such things. If she was not interested why she encouraged me, she rather confused me. We had a fight over text. She said she would not talk to me ,she blamed it on me. I felt devastated. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I cried.

I apologized, she did not respond. I beg, she did not respond. One day she responded saying I should move on an  I was running after a mirage. She said she didn't want to talk to me because if she talked to me I would never move on. I understood and Ieft the city.

After few months , I started missing her, I contacted her over whats app. She responded. She replied. Earlier she said , if she talked to me I would never be able to move on, but now she seemed to be okay. We started chatting everyday.

Oh I forgot, when we stopped talking, she used to call my friend and texted him. She used to call him. Earlier she had no contacts with him. But after we had that fight, she started talking to him. My frind was so disinterested, that most of the time he used to hang up. So it stopped.

Anyways we started talking, we became friends again, the more I talk the more I fall for her. I again expressed my feelings. She said thanks, smiled. She seemed to enjoy it. But I got to know from mutual friends, she was also flirting with other guys . So I felt bad. I stopped replying her text. She came to my city. She needed a help . she texted me. I said I would help her ,but did not show any interest. She said she would call me on weekend. But I guess she  sensed that I am not that much friendly so she did not call.

This september, aftet 6 moths since we talked, I wished her on her birthday. She asked me how I was doing. We started chatting again. Again I fell in love. I missed her so much. We talked. But again that feelings grew. I shared my feelings. She asked me questions. Why did I not move on? She took care, she responded by appreciating ' thanks' ' hahaha' blushing smileys.

I really wanted to know where I stand. She was okay with my feelings. Again that behavior started. Initialy she seems very interested and friendly, but again sometimes she became cold. Not responding.

I asked her if there are any possibilies that we could be together. She said ' you know i have a bf, how could it be possible'. I was desperate. I really wanted to know where I am in her life.  I asked if anything is possible in future. She said she never thought of that.

I asked do I have any values in her life, or I am just another random guy who likes her?

She said I am a Friend she cares me as a friend.

I understand I am a freind, but do I have any valuation in her life. She ignored. I asked does she talk to anyone like the way she talks to me and care. ( I wanted to know as I share romantic thoughts with her and she appreciates, likes , would she appreciate the same from any other guy, this is what I meant)

She replied ( though this is not the the direct answer to my question but I got the hint) she had many friends and she talks to them much more than  she talks  to me. I asked ,so she has other admirers with whom she talks more than me! She admitted finally , she said she had all good friends and yes few of them are admirers with whom she talks more than that with me.


I felt like I was no one. I felt like I have no values in her life. I felt like I was just one name in her list of admirers where she was my focus. I always felt we had some connections, one she told me that. But now I felt I am noone. I was emotionally naked to her. No we did not kiss. We did not have physical relationship. But I let her into my heart. Let her see me inside. I was emotionally naked. And what I found, I was open to someone who never cared actually!!!

This is the summary of  a story which took seven years. I have wasted my life. I went back to her again and again. I really wanted to move on. I don' t want to get back and repeat the history for eighth time. I feel the pain. I feel the hollow deep inside. I don't know but I want to live. I want to move on. I don't know why this has happened. I wish it never had happened , she was right, I had been running after a mirage!

Edit: I stopped talking to her! What I realized is , unrequited love is the most dangerous of its kind. You want someone in your life, but you can't. You try harder.

The worst thing would be if you remain friends with the person. And what if the person strings you on. You know that nothing will happen. But you can't give up your hope. Because the person of your affection never objects rather appreciate when you reveal your feelings. Deep inside in your heart you think , may be there is some hope. May be you will be loved back. This hope is poison in unrequited love.

Realise it would never happen and if it happens, the person ever loves you back, do you really want to be with someone for who you were a second or third option?

Realize it, give up your hope, invest in someone who is equally invested in you, cut off all ties with that person and move on.